Ricard & Revelry

Week two of our summer holiday with Granny and Grandpa (the kids', not mine) has seen us eating Christmas pudding mid-August. Some of the fairs I'm doing this year have asked for marketing images, so I decided to bring a pudding with me from Sussex, in order to take some amazing and Pinterest-worthy pictures. I had a very clear idea in my head about how they were going to look - and all I needed was a matt gold plate, an antique candelabra, and some holly. In reality a rummage through the crockery cupboard, linen drawer and wine rack produced different props entirely. And the pictures looked nothing like the ones in my head.

During the best part of an hour I tried 47 different ways to arrange the table, and got more and more depressed about it. Meanwhile the Bee and the Bear were 'going to sleep' in the room directly above me. This involved feral behaviour on a new level - screaming, and bouncing, and hysterical laughter. I broke off from swearing at the pudding to go and talk calmly to the children about their behaviour...the Bear had morphed into a very small Pete Townshend, and was throwing everything he could get his hands on out of his cot...they had also become inexplicably deaf, almost certainly due to their own noise levels, and completely ignored me. So I went back to my pop-up photo shoot. Grandpa asked if there was anything else I needed, and I put in an order for a G&T. Grandpa said he thought sherry or whisky might look more festive - I explained it was for me not the photo.

By the time I'd finished, the children were still going strong. But I'd polished off the gin and started on the Ricard by then so didn't care and could pass it off as important and really rather special bonding time for them both. I'd also managed to smear Christmas pudding over Granny's carefully laundered napkins and table-cloth I'd secretly borrowed... The children eventually passed out about 9pm. I admitted defeat and set about consuming large amounts of the Christmas pudding. It was made from the fruit which had been soaking in brandy since last October. I passed out myself shortly afterwards.

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